‘I’m 14 and getting sent d— pics by boys I hardly know’

As a report finds a third of women are sexually harassed on public transport, we meet three girls navigating this increasingly hostile world

“Epidemic”: that was the word used in the most recent official police report to describe the level of violence inflicted against women and girls in England and Wales. According to DCC Maggie Blyth, National Police Chiefs’ Council lead for Violence Against Women and Girls (VAWG) it is estimated that one in every 12 women will be a victim annually – that’s around two million females every year.
Now comes a report that the number of violent attacks against women and girls on Britain’s railways has increased by more than half in just two years, with more than a third of women subjected to sexual harassment and other sexual offences while travelling by train or tube.
What’s most alarming is that these numbers are all likely to be underestimates. “We know much crime goes unreported and in policing, we often only see the tip of the iceberg,” notes Blyth. 
Girls today are growing up in a landscape unrecognisable to their mothers. Smartphones with camera and video functionality mean every moment – joyous to humiliating – can be captured and shared forever; internet-connected devices mean that girls can be approached even in their childhood bedrooms; the proliferation of porn has normalised sexual violence.
The Telegraph spoke to three teenage girls to see just how they’re navigating a world that can feel increasingly hostile.
It started when I was 13, with comments about my body. Stuff like “you’ll get cold in a top like that”, and also less ambiguous stuff – comments about my boobs or my legs. Obviously it was worse in summer, but it was bad at all times. By 14, I was wearing hoodies and tracksuit bottoms in an attempt not to attract attention. It makes you angry, because 13 and 14 are ages where we should be experimenting with fashion.
Most girls go through a phase of wearing tight dresses or shorts, skirts and camisole tops, and it’s bad that they don’t feel free or safe to do so. It’s like they get blamed for attracting attention because of their clothes. I’ve had men call me a whore and a slag, just randomly in the street for no reason, although for them I think the reason is my clothing. You just have to [bear] it. 
Anyway, what you wear doesn’t make any difference. You can’t say a schoolgirl is dressed provocatively, but that doesn’t stop men perving on them. Coming home from school at about 4pm, I once had to get off a bus because a man was groping me. I was 13. The bus was busy, but this was 100 per cent beyond the usual physical contact you expect on a busy bus. I remember hiding in a shop because I was worried he’d follow me. I called my mum because I wasn’t sure what to do.  
When I was 14 I sent nudes – not actual nudes, but pics of me in my underwear. The photos I sent feel embarrassing now, and I know they were inappropriate for my age. The boy who asked for them was also 14. I sent them via Snapchat. To my knowledge, he didn’t share them. It might sound naive to believe that, but sending nudes is so common that I don’t really see why he’d have bothered: it’s not like there’s a lack of pics of young teenage girls in lacy bras and thongs doing the rounds. There’s also plenty of hardcore porn available to boys – it’s there in the palm of their hand whenever they want it. So a pic of a teenager in her underwear isn’t even all that.
To me and my friends, virginity is just something to be lost so that it’s over and done with. Most of us want to go to uni not being virgins. It’s not as deep as parents think. In their day it sounded like it was a big deal, like “oh you’ve got to wait and do it with someone you love, who cares about you”. Most of us don’t think like that. I haven’t personally had a bad [sexual] experience, but from what my friends say, loads of boys are obsessed with anal [sex]. They’ll pressure the girl into doing anal, like “if you really loved me” and so on. It’s jarring. One friend broke up with a boy because of it. We don’t get it. Okay so you can’t get pregnant, but I don’t think that’s the reason. I think it’s caused by porn, and because it’s seen as taboo. 
I went to a mixed state school and I’d say I’m lucky that my male friends are all pretty respectful. It annoys me when people make out that all boys are sex-mad or out to use you, and I actually feel sorry for my male friends who aren’t like that, because society paints such a negative picture. It’s hard to be a boy too, but in a different way. Boys can also get “reputations” – they get cancelled as soon as anyone hears a negative story about them, like if a girl says they pressured her into having sex, or if they got with one girl when they were linking [spending a lot of time with] with another. I have male friends who are still judged on stuff they did five or six years ago. People don’t forget. It’s like all the mistakes you’re meant to make in private are public. It’s all documented on social media, with photographic or video evidence.
I feel very nervous about men when I go out. When I was 11, I was sitting on a log on the common near my house with a friend and a guy started masturbating at us. I told my mum and she called the police, but ever since then, I’ve been very aware of what could happen. When I go to the market with my friends, older men will come up to us and say, “hey beautiful girls”. 
We laugh it off but it feels gross. Maybe they think we’re older, but I know I don’t look like an adult. Summer is the worst because I want to wear a dress or a small top, but I know I will get whistled at or men will honk their horns or just stare. It makes me feel stressed out because it’s all over the news about the violence that can happen to women. My friend’s older sister had her drink spiked and she’s 18 so I guess that will start happening to me and my friends soon.
Private school boys are a lot more forceful. I have a friend who had sex with a boy and even though she was saying “no”, he kept telling her ‘no you do want to’, so she went through with it. I think private school boys have more confidence and they feel like they can do whatever they like and get away with it.
My friend was dating a boy and he kept sending her d—pics and asking her to send nudes back to him. She felt really uncomfortable and didn’t send them to him, and then he broke up with her. It happened a year ago but she still seems afraid of boys. I’d like to think I’m confident enough not to send nudes but if you like someone and you trust them, it can happen.
The boys have been watching porn since Year 8, and they will make little comments like “I saw that on The Hub” [Pornhub]. The girls don’t really watch it, but sometimes the shows you see on TV feel like porn. My friend and I watched a show on Netflix a while ago where someone built a sex room and there was a lot of tying people up and choking them. It feels like things can go too far and become abusive.
The comments I get at school from boys can make me feel bad. When you have bigger boobs, you immediately get sexualised. I know that if I wear a revealing outfit, the boys will comment on it. My friend’s boyfriend will say “Why are you wearing that top?” because he doesn’t like people looking at her. Boys often rate girls and say “she’s a 10, but you’re only a 6” and things like that.
If someone I don’t know adds me on Snapchat, I know that I’m probably going to receive a d— pic. It’s just a regular thing. The app automatically shares your location unless you disable it, so that can feel really unsafe – this creepy person knows where I live. I just delete the pictures and block them. I would tell my mum, but I don’t want to worry her.
The first time I was harassed, I was 12. I was at a bus stop and a man asked me for directions. I helped him, and then he told me I had very pretty eyes. I said thanks. Then he asked for my Snapchat. I told him I was 12, and he walked off. When I was 13, a man started following me home from school. He’d say “hey, beautiful” and try to start a conversation. Other times he’d just stare intensely. So I changed my route home. 
Luckily, I’ve never been touched inappropriately, but I know so many girls who’ve been on the bus and had their bum grabbed, or who’ve been felt up on the tube. It happens so often, to girls my age and younger. The worst thing is that we’re fine about it, because it’s so normalised. If it happens to you, you’re just expected to move on and not be fazed. 
I’d say that porn has changed boys’ attitudes towards girls. I don’t know about sex, but definitely when it comes to girls in revealing clothing. The way people view women is that if you’re not dressed in super-provocative clothing or wearing super-heavy makeup, then you’re not someone that boys are going to find attractive, because you’re not dressed for men. That’s what they look for and what they’ve been told to look for. 
I don’t think the trend for girls to be completely hairless is caused by porn. Throughout history, girls have wanted to be hairless. But we are definitely taught that body hair is negative. If you look at comments on social media [under a photo] of a girl with arm hair, there will be razor emojis or other negative comments. Hair removal and makeup are on the same level. They’re something you don’t need to do, but if you want to be viewed as more attractive, you do them. 
On Snapchat, boys you hardly know will send you a picture of their d—, and be like “Do you send [nudes]?”. You’ll say “no”, and they’ll say “you slut, you whore – just send it”. You get called those names for not sending more than if you do send. Me and my friends would never send nudes, but I know a couple of girls who have. 
The education you get at school about sending nudes is so bad. They portray it in such a black-and-white sense and don’t go into what the girl is thinking, or the psychology behind it. With sex education, they don’t try to stop you from having sex because they know that teenagers still will – they talk about why you shouldn’t, and how to do it safely. But for some reason when it comes to [education about] online sex, they don’t do that. They just say don’t do it, and if you do and you get caught, then it’s game over for you. They do it in quite a damaging way that isn’t really going to help many people out.